Tip from my wife: Being married to an ADHDer is a study in patience! It’s HARD to not want to come down on this person who just can’t seem to get their stuff together, but patience & kindness is more effective than yelling and guilt-mongering. Ask how u can help get the ball rolling. Then ask again & again & again.
My wife thinks that most ADHDers are messed up & have low self-esteem because ever since they were kids everyone has been yelling at them, telling them that they can’t do this right or that right, so it takes a while to “re-educate” them to start believing in themselves. And that doesn’t happen with more yelling and accusations of slackery and stupidity. She says, “tell the non-ADHD spouses that it is their responsibility to be an encourager and a helper. Being mean makes things worse.” I agree!