#66

Tip from my wife: Being married to an ADHDer is a study in patience! It’s HARD to not want to come down on this person who just can’t seem to get their stuff together, but patience & kindness is more effective than yelling and guilt-mongering. Ask how u can help get the ball rolling. Then ask again & again & again.

My wife thinks that most ADHDers are messed up & have low self-esteem because ever since they were kids everyone has been yelling at them, telling them that they can’t do this right or that right, so it takes a while to “re-educate” them to start believing in themselves. And that doesn’t happen with more yelling and accusations of slackery and stupidity. She says, “tell the non-ADHD spouses that it is their responsibility to be an encourager and a helper. Being mean makes things worse.” I agree!

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One thought on “#66

  1. Ben…I KNOW your wife is right, but I have a husband, an older son and now my 7 yr old daughter who all have it and sometimes I feel like I’m the only sane person in the house….I’m exhausted with telling them all over and over again. I carried the burden of teachers and older people disliking the oldest son and my heart broke for him. He’s 19 now and ok but it was a horrific journey. My husband can’t leave the room and remember what he was supposed to be responsible for even though it’s the same routine every day. And I’m embarrassed by my baby when she acts up during her dance recital and yells out during her church concert tonight. People laugh at her but I want to crawl in a nearby hole and my husband just says “she’s only a child”…but she’s the only child acting that way. She’s on 18 mg concerta and anything higher made her have tics so bad that she couldn’t pick up her fork and I pulled her off…Stattera made her cry all the time so this is the only thing she can take. I didn’t do a good job raising Jason and I’m afraid I’m going down the same road with Lily. I hate myself for being embarrassed about how she acts but I wasn’t brought up this way and either she doesn’t understand that the rules apply to her, or she doesn’t care and just lives in her own world. I agree with your wife, but how do I learn to accept all of this crazyiness when my life has always been about order and not chaos? Ask her that for me please. Thanks

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