HELP! I Married someone with ADHD! {Staying organized}

by Ben GlennADHDPosted on Comments are Disabled

If you pay attention to mainstream media and what it has to say about ADHD, you could easily assume that ADHD somehow disappears once you turn 18. Completely untrue! ADHD is not something that you “grow out of” and it very much persists into adulthood.

The big difference between kids and adults with ADHD is that usually by the time you’re out of college, you will have learned a myriad of coping skills and mechanisms (that you didn’t have as a kid) that help disguise the fact that you have it. If you were diagnosed as a kid, then some of these coping skills were taught to you intentionally, if you managed to get through school without being diagnosed (which is probably the majority of those who have ADHD and are forty and older), then you learned how to cope on your own. Either way, you’re no longer bouncing in your seat, screaming out answers at meetings, flinging Milk Duds at the back of someone’s head at the movies (or maybe you are?? In which case, we need to have a chat!). And that’s great! Learning how to manage some of those negative ADHD traits is vitally important if you want to get ahead in life. And it’s likely that most of your co-workers, acquaintances and even friends have no idea that you are an adult with ADHD. Sure, you’re a little quirky and always late, but you’re also funny, outgoing and full of great ideas. ADHD is probably not the first word that comes to mind when people think of you. HOWEVER. If do have ADHD, there is absolutely no way to disguise this fact from your significant other, especially if you’ve been in the relationship for an extended period of time.

I’ve been married for almost 20 years and let me just say that it’s been quite the adventure for both my wife and I. So I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned and talk about some of the struggles in hopes that it helps you in your relationship. I’ll be working my way through topics like Finances, Communication, Parenting, Intimacy, In-Laws, and others, as well as trying to answer any questions that you want to ask.

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Excuses are a dead-end!

by Ben GlennADHDPosted on Comments are Disabled

I mastered Excuses 101 somewhere around the 5th grade. And I rode that wagon all through school, and to some degree, through college.

Having ADHD is hard enough when you’re in junior high/high school, but at least (hopefully!) you have parents and teachers helping you. When you move onto college, that structure, the support that used to be there is removed. You’re an adult now! No one is going to be hounding you to do your homework, reminding you to go to your next class or telling you how to balance studying with socializing. That’s really bad news for college students with ADHD, especially those living on campus.

The first thing, and you really can’t take control of your ADHD struggle unless you deal with this challenge, is to be very aware of any excuses that might be coming out of your mouth when you fail to do the things you’re supposed to be doing in order to keep up with classwork. Hard truth? No one cares! The bigger the school, the less likely will a professor take a special interest in you and your challenge. The most important thing to remember is that hiding behind ADHD and not taking charge of the challenges that go along with having it, will only hurt you in the long run. Don’t cheat yourself! I know you’re too smart for that!

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Is your ADHD child ready for college?

by Ben GlennADHDPosted on Comments are Disabled

For us parents with kids who need a bit more extra help and attention than some other children, sometimes we forget that one day, very soon, our child will be a young adult and ready to head out to the real world, or rather, that place that is not quite home and not quite the real world, called college. Preparing for that day, is something that you should start doing when your kid’s a freshman in high school if not sooner! Skills like doing the laundry, paying bills and making something to eat don’t just magically appear if mom or dad take care of all that until the day you’re moving your precious off-spring into their dorm room.

If your child has ADHD or any other learning disability, college is going to be challenging enough without having to figure out how to use a washing machine or balance your checkbook!

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