#67
ADHDers come up with ideas all the time, some great, and a lot not-so-great. It’s not easy to know when to encourage & when to put your foot down & say “no way”. Try your best not to have a one-size-fits-all response to every idea. It’s a tough balancing act, but learn how to read your ADHDer’s intentions before before responding.
Remember, some ideas are spontaneous and just come flying out of our mouths and are gone as soon as they are out – usually those are the wackiest things we come up with, and really there is not need for you to say so. 🙂 Then there are ideas that seem to make an appearance on a regular basis – again, depending on what the idea is sometimes all you have to do is just listen and say “oh that’s interesting dear” and nothing else and the idea will die a natural death. If your spouse or child is coming up with stuff and you’re constantly throwing cold water on their ideas, that can be an incredibly discouraging thing to deal with. Sometimes saying nothing is the best solution.
#66
Tip from my wife: Being married to an ADHDer is a study in patience! It’s HARD to not want to come down on this person who just can’t seem to get their stuff together, but patience & kindness is more effective than yelling and guilt-mongering. Ask how u can help get the ball rolling. Then ask again & again & again.
My wife thinks that most ADHDers are messed up & have low self-esteem because ever since they were kids everyone has been yelling at them, telling them that they can’t do this right or that right, so it takes a while to “re-educate” them to start believing in themselves. And that doesn’t happen with more yelling and accusations of slackery and stupidity. She says, “tell the non-ADHD spouses that it is their responsibility to be an encourager and a helper. Being mean makes things worse.” I agree!
#65
I’m told that being married to an ADHDer can be a bit of a challenge. 😀 My wife says that one of her biggest frustrations is that I can never finish a “home projects” in one go. I’m embarrassed to admit that there have been “honey-dos” around the home that should have taken me 5 hrs to complete, but instead took 2 yrs!
What are some struggles in your relationships with ADHDers? And how do you deal with the situations? My wife has fine-tuned the art of catching the right moment to get me back on track with lack-luster, but necessary tasks. She says, she tries to catch me while I’m rested, up-beat and on the cusp of some fun, adventure-filled activity. Of course, sometimes she just threatens to beat me up…Joking! 🙂
#61
ADHDers tend to take on more than we can handle. Our quick minds tell us that we can get it done, but the laws of physics end up proving us otherwise. Plus there are only 24 hours in a day. I think I’ve talked about this before, but learn to say “no”. Think about the stress of everything you already have going on and make a decision to not add to it. Just say “no”!!
#60
This week I’m challenging all of you to finish that project you started weeks ago that is still not done. It’s not an urgent project, but it’s an important one. It’s the one you start sighing guiltily about when it pops in your head. ADHDers have a really hard time wrapping things up unless the deadline is staring us right in the eyeball, but the non-urgent, IMPORTANT projects should get priority too!
I’d like to know how you’re going to reward yourself for completing one of your important, non-urgent projects this week. What fun thing will you be enjoying this weekend because you’ll get your project wrapped up once and for all? I think I’m going to go see Iron Man 2 and buy some new fishing tackle…:-D
#59
I don’t know if it’s the special mix of ADHD traits like impulsivity, creativity & the inability to accurately judge time & resources, but ADHDers like going for the gusto. We’re passionate about our interests & if we’re not careful, our passion can consume us & isolate us from those around us. But in general, being passionate is a great thing & if properly channeled can lead to amazing things.
Being passionate about what you do often leads to success without that being your main priority. “Winners forget they’re in a race, they just love to run.” Which movie?
#58
Whether you have ADHD or not, the process of personal development & growth is not a walk in the park. Why? Because most of the memorable, life-changing lessons, hurt. But the resulting eduction is usually invaluable. “Any process you are going through will get tougher before it gets easier. That’s what makes learning a gift. Even though pain is your teacher.” Which movie?
The key thing to remember is that if you do learn the lesson that life is trying to teach, in that particular area of your life, things do become more clear and you start responding to situations in a powerful, life-affirming way instead of being destructive. What is life teaching you now?
#55
I’m a huge movie buff! Whether it’s my ADHD or something else, turn on the TV & BAM, you’ve got my attention. Hyper-focus on movies I love means that I remember literally dozen of quotes, so I’m going to share some of them with you this week.
From Seabiscuit, a great underdog story: “You know, you don’t throw a whole life away just ’cause he’s banged up a little.” I can so relate to that! You don’t throw a whole life away, just because you have an obstacle in your life that most others don’t. No room for feeling sorry for yourself. Work hard and you will overcome!
#54
Positive feedback is a great motivator. I love to cook for people because the feedback is almost instantaneous (and usually good!). When I make something that knocks people’s socks off, it inspires me to come up with more exciting new recipes. Likewise, good feedback on my programs & blog posts inspires me to come up with new stuff on a more consistent basis.
If you have an ADHDer in your life, remember to give lots of feedback. I would say that positive feedback is more motivating than negative, but both are necessary. 🙂
#53
Do you have a hard time prioritizing? If so, I bet you’re also buddies with Procrastination; I am! Getting started is 90% of the battle. Stop wasting time trying to get everything just perfect so that you can get to doing what needs to be done. Just do it!
People with ADHD are like a car with a stick shift and a dead battery, we need a little push and a pop of the gears to get the engine running. Once we get started, we’re good to go. If you can’t get going on your own, find someone to give you a push!
#50
One of my biggest struggles is prioritizing. The concept of “what’s important NOW” is often pushed aside by “what’s FUN NOW!?”. At the end of the day though, I am left with a pile of hard tasks and am overwhelmed and frustrated. Having “FUN” is hard-wired into ADHD brains like nothing else, but I’ve learned to use FUN as my reward and motivation for completing the tasks I set for myself. What motivates you?
#45
Two weeks of travel can wreak havoc on my “home schedule”. It takes me 3-4 days to readjust to home unless I plan ahead. Even though ADHDers tend to do well in fluid settings, we still need some structure to make getting and staying on task possible. Before going on a long trip, I write down where I left off on my top 2-3 projects and what needs to be done when I return. This is a great tool to help me get back on track with minimum drama.
If you’re a list-maker, it’s important to not make the list too long and expansive. A big to-do list will just overwhelm. Get your “sympathetic enforcer” to help with narrowing down the list to the most important and urgent items.
#44
ADHDers are very sensitive by nature, picking up on vibes people around them put out that others miss. Problem is we have a tendency to make what we’re sensing all about ourselves instead of the other person. And we tend to respond most strongly to “negative” vibes. It’s important to remember someone else’s funk might have NOTHING to do with us. Ask the other person “what’s wrong?” first, before jumping to conclusions and getting in a bad mood yourself.
#42
ADHDers are good at juggling multiple stimuli. We can be looking around, texting, humming a song and still hear every word of a conversation. Problem is to the other person, the lack of eye contact and the extra activities make it seem like we’re not listening or don’t care and that can be a turn-off.
Giving your full attention during a conversation shows interest and respect. It’s hard, but very important to make an effort to give people in your life your FULL attention, especially if they don’t understand what ADHD is all about. Once they learn that you can in fact hear what they’re saying while appearing to be engaged in other activities, communication will become easier, but until you cross that bridge, don’t be misjudged as uncaring or flaky – pay attention!