#69
If you or someone you know suffers from any kind of “uncontrolled” brain dysfunction (including ADHD), there are simple steps that can be taken to help improve the situation. 1. Diagnosis 2. Self-education/education of family & friends, 3. Exploration of treatment options, 4. Counseling/Support group, 5. Ongoing evaluation.
Of the five, i believe education to be the most important. Knowledge is power. Understanding what’s happening to you gives you back some measure of control & allows you to make the right choices when there’s a fork in the road. Whether, you’re depressed, bi-polar or ADHD, learn to move past the stigma of “mental disease” and be open with others about your condition, educating them in the process and hopefully helping them, help you. (what movie??) Sorry got distracted. 😀
#68
ADHD is a bit of a mystery. There are no tests to prove one has it & some people even think that it’s a fake disease created by drug companies to make more money. Baloney!! ADHD is as real as diabetes or depression. If your spouse is questioning your symptoms & thinking that you’re just lazy or crazy, they need to be educated!
And! If you haven’t been officially diagnosed you need to go and be tested by a licensed psychologist who ideally specializes in ADHD. Bring your spouse with you! If you have been diagnosed, then offer to go to the doctor together so that your spouse can talk to a professional and have their questions answered. I’m thinking about doing a tele-seminar w/my wife on the subject of marriage & adhd – would that be useful to anyone?
#67
ADHDers come up with ideas all the time, some great, and a lot not-so-great. It’s not easy to know when to encourage & when to put your foot down & say “no way”. Try your best not to have a one-size-fits-all response to every idea. It’s a tough balancing act, but learn how to read your ADHDer’s intentions before before responding.
Remember, some ideas are spontaneous and just come flying out of our mouths and are gone as soon as they are out – usually those are the wackiest things we come up with, and really there is not need for you to say so. 🙂 Then there are ideas that seem to make an appearance on a regular basis – again, depending on what the idea is sometimes all you have to do is just listen and say “oh that’s interesting dear” and nothing else and the idea will die a natural death. If your spouse or child is coming up with stuff and you’re constantly throwing cold water on their ideas, that can be an incredibly discouraging thing to deal with. Sometimes saying nothing is the best solution.
#66
Tip from my wife: Being married to an ADHDer is a study in patience! It’s HARD to not want to come down on this person who just can’t seem to get their stuff together, but patience & kindness is more effective than yelling and guilt-mongering. Ask how u can help get the ball rolling. Then ask again & again & again.
My wife thinks that most ADHDers are messed up & have low self-esteem because ever since they were kids everyone has been yelling at them, telling them that they can’t do this right or that right, so it takes a while to “re-educate” them to start believing in themselves. And that doesn’t happen with more yelling and accusations of slackery and stupidity. She says, “tell the non-ADHD spouses that it is their responsibility to be an encourager and a helper. Being mean makes things worse.” I agree!
#65
I’m told that being married to an ADHDer can be a bit of a challenge. 😀 My wife says that one of her biggest frustrations is that I can never finish a “home projects” in one go. I’m embarrassed to admit that there have been “honey-dos” around the home that should have taken me 5 hrs to complete, but instead took 2 yrs!
What are some struggles in your relationships with ADHDers? And how do you deal with the situations? My wife has fine-tuned the art of catching the right moment to get me back on track with lack-luster, but necessary tasks. She says, she tries to catch me while I’m rested, up-beat and on the cusp of some fun, adventure-filled activity. Of course, sometimes she just threatens to beat me up…Joking! 🙂
#64
I love the word “perseverance”! I saw a cool quote on someone’s Facebook profile and thought it was perfect, it went something like: When you’re about to give up & throw in the towel, try to remember why you’ve hung in there for so long in the first place & let it inspire to go one more step further.
#63
I know everyone has pressures to perform & expectations to live up to – day in and day out this can wear anyone down. So as you’re making your lists, trying meet deadlines, working on life & relationships, remember to take a break. Even a quick timeout to do something FOR YOU, can help you have a better attitude & a sense of renewal.
#62
When you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else. Are you saying “yes” to the right things? Make a list of things that are important to you & don’t take on anything new until after you consult this list. If the new project or responsibility doesn’t keep you close to the things you have determined are important in your life, turn the opportunity down – it’s probably just a distraction.
#60
This week I’m challenging all of you to finish that project you started weeks ago that is still not done. It’s not an urgent project, but it’s an important one. It’s the one you start sighing guiltily about when it pops in your head. ADHDers have a really hard time wrapping things up unless the deadline is staring us right in the eyeball, but the non-urgent, IMPORTANT projects should get priority too!
I’d like to know how you’re going to reward yourself for completing one of your important, non-urgent projects this week. What fun thing will you be enjoying this weekend because you’ll get your project wrapped up once and for all? I think I’m going to go see Iron Man 2 and buy some new fishing tackle…:-D
#59
I don’t know if it’s the special mix of ADHD traits like impulsivity, creativity & the inability to accurately judge time & resources, but ADHDers like going for the gusto. We’re passionate about our interests & if we’re not careful, our passion can consume us & isolate us from those around us. But in general, being passionate is a great thing & if properly channeled can lead to amazing things.
Being passionate about what you do often leads to success without that being your main priority. “Winners forget they’re in a race, they just love to run.” Which movie?
#58
Whether you have ADHD or not, the process of personal development & growth is not a walk in the park. Why? Because most of the memorable, life-changing lessons, hurt. But the resulting eduction is usually invaluable. “Any process you are going through will get tougher before it gets easier. That’s what makes learning a gift. Even though pain is your teacher.” Which movie?
The key thing to remember is that if you do learn the lesson that life is trying to teach, in that particular area of your life, things do become more clear and you start responding to situations in a powerful, life-affirming way instead of being destructive. What is life teaching you now?
#57
At the end of the day, life is all about effort; you get out of it what you put in. If you like “warming” the bench, life will pass you by, but get in the fray and amazing things can happen: “If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don’t care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book we’re gonna be winners!” Which movie?
#56
Not to get deep on you, but even though dying is a scary inevitability, a lot of us are just (if not more so) afraid of living. Life is a bit like bull riding – grab those horns and hang on! Life is definitely an adventure, sometimes a scary one, but you still need to make the most of it – the character who said the following words, certainly did. “Every man dies, but not every man lives.” Who was it?
#55
I’m a huge movie buff! Whether it’s my ADHD or something else, turn on the TV & BAM, you’ve got my attention. Hyper-focus on movies I love means that I remember literally dozen of quotes, so I’m going to share some of them with you this week.
From Seabiscuit, a great underdog story: “You know, you don’t throw a whole life away just ’cause he’s banged up a little.” I can so relate to that! You don’t throw a whole life away, just because you have an obstacle in your life that most others don’t. No room for feeling sorry for yourself. Work hard and you will overcome!