There are studies showing that laughter can boost the immune system, reduce stress & cultivate optimism. When I was in HS my family went through the pain of divorce. A lot of things helped us survive mentally & emotionally, but nothing as much as my brother Sam’s sense of humor. If your heart is aching, laughter IS the best medicine.
Check out this really funny bit from one of Sam’s messages:
Being an advocate for your child is a LOT of work. Never for a moment doubt that it is a worthwhile investment of your time & energy. Some day your kids WILL thank you for it! 🙂
I keep coming back to the same conclusion: The right school can make a WORLD of difference in your student’s life. I want to go out on a limb here and say that it is better to blow that college fund on a great middle/high school than to hang onto that money. The foundation of self-esteem & love of learning is cemented early. Be vigilant about your child’s school! If you’ve got a great school – tell us about it!
Remember that praise works better to motivate people w/ADHD to do the right thing than coming down hard with punishment & threats. Science has proven that ADHD is not caused by deficiency of character or morals, or poor parenting but that is a neurological disorder, like autism, or depression or OCD. Now go say something nice to that ADHDer in your life!
The first step in coping with ADHD is accepting that you have it. I meet many adults who recognize themselves in my story, yet are hesitant to get diagnosed. I can understand the fear of a positive diagnosis, that confirmation of “yes, you have this thing!”, but when it comes to ADHD, the diagnosis can actually bring relief, clarity & a variety of options to help get life back on track. Have you been putting off your diagnosis? If so, why?
I admit, I was bit too pessimistic yesterday. Although it seems like a lot of media outlets are spouting negativity in regards to ADHD, there are also lots of great, things going on. Importantly, remember that ADHD & other disorders of executive & sensory functions are better known & understood now than ever before. Keep reading and researching. The answers are out there!!
The argument against ADHD that drives me nuts the most is the whole “poor parenting” myth. Are there parents who don’t do a good job? Sure. But chronic & intense hyperactivity & impulsiveness in a young child cannot simply be dismissed as that. In many cases it is a fine line between misbehavior & ADHD-related behavior, but if there’s any doubt, a visit to a child psychologist makes perfect sense. Don’t let anyone shame you into thinking otherwise, ESPECIALLY if the person doing the shaming has never had any children!!
Don’t forget! ADHD Awareness Week is next week!
To become a useful tool, a fidget has to lose some of it’s “new” appeal first, especially with the younger kids, so let them mess with it until it gets “old”, then allow them to bring it into situations where they need to focus. In this way, it won’t be a huge distraction, just a little one. Small enough to occupy the squirrely part of their brain so they pay attention to what’s important.
You probably know that studies have found a link between diet & ADHD. Kids especially are affected by the kinds of foods they eat, but even adults shouild be watching what they put into their bodies. That said, I love Cheetos. To be “good”, I’ve been buying “natural” cheetos. You laughing yet? Imagine my shock when I discovered that I got suckered in by some good marketing – good, “natural” (as the packaging described them) Cheetos do not exist. Are you reading those labels??
ADHD can be hard on relationships. First, your friend/spouse/co-worker might not understand how the ADHD mind works & draw completely wrong assumptions about your behavior. Second, your low self-esteem could be sabotaging even the best relationships because you’ve come to believe that you’re just not good enough. What can you do?
1. Do not be ashamed to speak up and tell people that you have ADHD. Don’t joke about it (too much!). Ask the other person to hear you out and to reserve their judgment. Bring a printout that lists ADHD characteristics and show the other person. Plant the seed. This is just the beginning of helping educate them about ADHD and what it means to be in a relationship with someone who has it.
2. Sometimes, esp. if you are ashamed and have low self-esteem, it really is crucial to talk to a professional counselor. Some of us ADHDers have lived through years of being told we’re no good: lazy, stupid, irresponsible – those scars go deep. You need to get all that negativity OUT. Please!?
3. Always remember that ALL relationships require work. Some more than others, true, but all the same. Commit to the idea that you want to have healthy relationships. That you deserve to have them and that you can make it happen. As the other person starts “getting” you more, continue working on yourself and building yourself and the other person up. Positive synergy!! That is where it’s at! 🙂
Having a hard time staying still and paying attention in class or youth group or business meetings? Get yourself a “fidget” or two. A fidget is a small object that keeps your hands busy & allows your mind to focus better. My favorite is the tangle, though for best results, I need to switch fidgets on a regular basis (to keep things fresh!) What your favorite fidget?
Is your child obsessed w/certain things yet doesn’t seem to be able to complete a simple task? Here in ADHD-land we call that “hyperfocus” (unless it’s OCD and then it’s a different matter). Snapping someone out hyperfocus is no easy task, and failing to do so is not just willful disobedience on their part. Allow time for the transition & go into the situation hanging onto your temper. 🙂
People in hyperfocus mode lose all sense of time and schedules – which is terribly frustrating if YOU are on a schedule. To prevent hyperfocus from occurring, it’s a good idea to discuss ahead of time when a particular activity must come to… an end and a new one is to begin. Use a timer. Sometimes, you will physicially need to place yourself between the person in hyperfocus and the thing they are “obsessed” with ie. TV, video game, computer. Offer up something else that they enjoy to help the transition or a reward of some kind if they are able to break the focus within a certain time frame.
On the flip side, hyperfocus can lead to some amazing achievements. In adults especially if there is good direction, hyperfocus can be time of intense creativity and production. The key is to learn how to control it to make it work for you.
What kid likes to do chores? ADHD or not, chores are no fun. If you want to get your kid (spouse?!) to do theirs, then make it a game or a competition. Have prizes and rewards & make a big deal when a chore is done. Be proud and brag about the completed tasks. Add some sparkle to the job & your child will be more likely to get it done. Change things up to keep the sparkle… well… sparkly. 🙂
I know that EVERY chore can’t be made fun, but maybe do something special with the ones they dislike or struggle with the most. Let me know how else you motivate your children/students/spouses. 🙂
Lots of sleepless ADHDers out there by the sounds of it! I admit that I sometimes have trouble falling asleep myself. I’m going to give you MY list of dos and don’ts as well a link to an article about getting better rest at night.
Don’ts:
INCOSISTENCY WITH BEDTIME: Go to bed at a set time – not too early, not too late. If I stay up too late, I miss my window for a good night of sleep. When I let myself get too tired, I lack the power to ignore and set aside my thoughts.
NAPS: If I take even a quick power nap, I’m usually too energetic to feel compelled to go to bed and the cycle of the 3am bed-time continues. The best thing for me is to make sure I just stay awake and get to bed a bit earlier.
LATE EATING: What I battle the most is eating too late. When we eat late our bodies are busy digesting while we sleep. Those days you wake up tired, but slept all night, you might want to see when and what you ate the night before.
Do’s
GOOD MATTRESS: Make sure you have a good mattress. Good ones are costly but yet worth every penny and really help with getting quality sleep. When you figure that a person spends over 2500 hours a year in bed, investing the right mattress is pretty important.
AMBIENT NOISE: The fan is key for me. I need ambient noise in the room to soothe my mind. Find what works for you. It might be music, or guided meditation on CD or wind chimes or something. My PR manager who has ADHD as well, says that the sound of a dog cleaning itself puts her to sleep (LOL) just kidding!
EXERCISE: Get your body nice and tired. If you have a child who struggles with sleep then perhaps you’re not wearing them out enough. Too many kids spend more time watching TV and playing video games than running around – get them off the couch!
READING: Reading for most ADHD people is a challenge. Don’t know about you, but nothing puts me to sleep faster than reading material about ADHD Meds and treatments. All that medical speak. 😀 Don’t pick up something you know you’ll get sucked into. Save those Eclipse books for another time.